Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

I think I've reached the point I need to have a boundary talk with H. He is opening up to me more and more. We had an interesting talk about his grandfather who was an alcoholic, serial cheater, and his grandmother took back time and time again. This turned into a convo about being used. I said for his grandmother to continue to take him back, made her weak. I talked to him about some thoughts I had on that, because H also mentioned he feels his life would be easier if people didn't let him away with everything, like his grandfather. I talked to him about people using each other and that one person may be in the position of strength and the other weak, but they are both using each other. More on this later, as it turned into a convo about addiction too. AJ, i agree and have felt he is going through an addiction to this lifestyle with OW. It doesn't make him happy, but he can't stop it. It was really good to have this convo where it wasn't seen as an attack on him but got some ideas out in the open.

He is playing with fire and that must be all the more exciting for him. He goes from OW#1 one night to OW#4 the next and making plans with OW#3. All of this he thinks is completely secret from me.

So he has that going on, but he is sending me a lot of signals. He says he misses me, being with the person that could understand him and who he could read so completely. He mentioned that he almost kissed me (again) but didn't want to offend me. I told him later we need to talk about that.

I feel like I need to tell him I can't kiss him if he has anything going on with other women, physically or even just flirtatiously. That I can't be involved with him that way if he has any kind of contact or communication with anyone he has had flirtations with or beyond. Tell him that I appreciate he hasn't done that to me and that I just want to make sure that is out there in the open and I just have to trust that he cares about me enough not to do that to me.

I also want to sent another boundary that he does have any kind of communication with other women while he is here at the house or with the boys. Not that I think he is, but just so he knows that. I want him to know this is mine and the boys safe haven.