So close I can taste it...

[SM34]

Here is the link. This is a must read for all LBS. Want to lighten up and have a laugh?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=960393&page=1

[25yearsmlc]

I just realized I keep repeating myself....im just so excited to have myself back. Now if wife would join me in my place of peace, we can move on with our lives!

Hey so, did you finish your D's project in the yard? How long will it take for you to complete it? Make sure you finish it...I've noticed a few other unfinished DB things around here...

have you DONE any GAL activities? You have said many times what you "planned on" or were "thinking of" doing

but aside from a meditation exercise, I can't think of what GAL you are doing.

May I suggest, once again, that instead of building a resume with the GAL or trying to "network" with it, or thinking about why YOU hae such a hard time GAL b/c your sitch is so unique OR instead of you doing a solo activity,

you do something PURELY for the fun of it

AND OR the challenge of it,

(SM, come on, I had 3 kids, was essentially a single mom AND I GAL like a maniac. I did stand up comedy

ABOUT my h's MLC in Hollywood...I mean, talk about confronting my fears and putting "it" out there...and yes it went well but NO I won't show my h that video...

So please, GET OUT of your comfort zone.

MEET NEW PEOPLE and be with them, without judging...

(NOT just people who can help your business...)

Dale Carnegie was spot on when he said "Everyone can teach you something"...
from the learning disabled person,
who shows you a wondrous PMA in his daily life,

to the nerdy geek holding the protractor, to the crude but very clever fisherman...

I really do have reasons for suggesting this^^^...trust me.
[b]
AND Good job on deleting OM's number...[/b]

[SM34]

25 yez I want so much to step out of my comfort zone. I want to have some friends..I mean I havs good things to offer to people, and can gain so much from it.

I have a few life long friends that think the world of me, and our friendship is cross continental but it feels like they live next door to me. But I have no friends here lofally, now that our social circle has been destroyed. They were all her friends.

As far as the backyard project, we are set to plan it out tomorrow together. I spent about 20 mins on the laptop looking at plans for backyard jungle gyms and cool stuff that D3 would love. I was also announcing everything I saw to my wife on purpose to see what she would say about if I could finish it.

Sever things she said surprised me. Firstly, she didnt say I couldnt finish it. So perhaps the fact that I have been finishing up all the little projects ariund the house that were unfinished has been noticed ..

Secondly, she said let me see what you are looking at. Then she started pointing out all the cool looking ones and saying we would all have so much fun with D3 during the summer if we had that in our backyard. She also said we would have something for her to do so we can relax and enjoy our time. Hey wifey, I thought you were moving out when OM moves to town....lol

[SM34]

Also 25 I total see the benefit of GALing. I watched some youtube videos made by many other marriage counselors about WAS situations and ALL of them said that becoming mors interesting through your own activities was crucial to getting a WAS to look back.

One video in particular struck a nerve with me. The guy was saying do you think your wife wants to be your only friend? Dont yiu think that is too much presshre for her? Dont you think thats not attractive?

5 months before BD I fot rid of my business partner, who was also my best friend and the last of my good friends from the college days. As I mentioned before, I had a lot of friends from the international community who one by one went home after college. I was down to one good friend....then zero.

When wife and I went out to celebrate the fact that I now for the first time in 12 years owned my own business with no partner, I remember jokingly telling her that I now had no friends, and that she was my onky friend now. I thought it sounded good at the time, but now I have come to realize that is a huge turn off. Especially to a social butterfly like my wife. We still live 3 miles from her high school and she has hundreds of friends who she stays in touch with. I am the one who moved across the world, away from all my high school buddies and all my family. Now I was her burden that she was responsible to keep happy. Not attractive.

[MrBond]

"I total see the benefit of GALing."

No you don't. You still see it as a "ploy" or tactic to get your W back. GAL is to help you with detachment. It's to rediscover your self. It's to help re-build your self-esteem, NOT to let your W see you as just attractive.

Again, you can't just cherry pick what you think matches you at the time.

BTW, I found this phrase from you VERY insulting. -" MLC or WAS, its all the same."

They aren't. MLC is set off by several triggers and requires a whole separate area of understanding. The fact that you just threw it in here and thought it was funny, really showed how little you UNDERSTAND the dynamics behind why things happen.

[SM34]

MrBond I undeestand the paradox witb GALing.

Also, I know MLC and WAS are not the same. I meant the things they SAY are pretty much thr same. The link that I posted, although written for mlc, fit perfectly with the lines my wife has used.

I was just trying to have some fun with it man.....I read it and it was funny, and I noted to myself that all WAS seem to say the same crap regardless of which diagnosis is correct. Do you agree?

By the way MrBond I saw you recommend listening to the song Titanium. I looked it up on youtube and although I havs heard it before, I never really listened to what the lyrics were saying. Its fitting for an lbs for sure! Thanks for the recommendation!

[SM34]

But yoh know, MrBond, and I hate to be teaching or preaching, but I was on a high last night because I felt good about myself, I had also found something funny to read, and I had a nice saturday night with my wife. I cant help but feel you are easily offended.

I mean you stessed that this line was VERY offensive to you although it was taken for an obviously satirical/comedy/fun post....bu it was still offensive to you. Are you always this high strung? How can that offend you VERY much...

Anyway, I respect you very much and you are on my watch list and I read your posts every day. I know you can be very supportive and caring because I have seen it with my own eyes on others threads. Just not on mine, even when I have something positive to report

Not sure if you mean to visit me every day with a 2x4 but thats what it feels like sometimes.

[SM34]

Gabbysmom, yes I will make a point to work on that. I have been trying to notice when the ego was comi g on, so I can humble myself. I remember thinking the same thing when I typed that phrase, so I followed it with vand I can gain so much'. But you are right, I should have just deleted it and rephrased it as an exercise in humility.

Friendships are a two way thing, and I understand that. I think my self esteem has taken a hit and thats why I am stressing to myself that I have so much to offer the world.

I definitely need to be conscious of this mentality though, because it can escalate to a monster that would be quite ugly.

Thanks for reminding me!

[25yearsmlc]

MrBond I undeestand the paradox witb GALing.

Also, I know MLC and WAS are not the same. I meant the things they SAY are pretty much thr same. The link that I posted, although written for mlc, fit perfectly with the lines my wife has used.

I was just trying to have some fun with it man.....I read it and it was funny, and I noted to myself that all WAS seem to say the same crap regardless of which diagnosis is correct. Do you agree?

By the way MrBond I saw you recommend listening to the song Titanium. I looked it up on youtube and although I havs heard it before, I never really listened to what the lyrics were saying. Its fitting for an lbs for sure! Thanks for the recommendation!

MY comments about not researching MLC so much, may have contributed to this misconception.

I PERSONALLY feel I wasted FAR too much time on MLCs with my h. I believe this for 3 reasons.

1) I'm not sure we can truly "know" which it is, regardless of how much research we do. I don't believe many neatly fit into a category and I don't believe we can honestly assess our own denial about a pattern we missed that MIGHT mean they are WASs, vs MLCers, and I don't believe WE can know what is in their hearts or minds anyhow...

and

2) OUR course of action is the same regardless of whether they are WASs or MLCers....

and

3) spending energy on whether it's an MLC or if it is, what stage it's in or if it's "replay" or due to some unresolved issue in their lives,

takes US AWAY FROM WORKING ON OURSELVES/GAL...which I believe ought to be our priorities.

[SemperFi00]

" MLC or WAS, its all the same."

They aren't. MLC is set off by several triggers and requires a whole separate area of understanding. The fact that you just threw it in here and thought it was funny, really showed how little you UNDERSTAND the dynamics behind why things happen.

Mr Bond can share little more regarding the whole separate area of understanding comment.

I am relatively new to this process and am not sure whether I have WAW or MLC. I tend to think MLC and am trying to learn more.

Initially I was trying to focus more on myself but lately have been trying to learn more about MLC. I think it may help me have more compassion/empathy/patience with what my W may be going thru.

SM34, apologize for the (relatively short) hijack.