Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[BRNR]

Okay just updating. The day was good. Me and the boys went bowling. We went to the grocery store and then pretty much made it a night and played some more video games. I am really strict and feel they should only play on the weekends and focus on other things during the week, like school.

H turned into a bitter little boy again as I have not heard from him at all since the text on my boundary on NO Tuesdays. He called the kids once for five minutes and hung up with them abruptly.

Funny, my s9 asked if H could go bowling with us. I have a hard time saying no to the boys, so I said if your dad wants, then it is okay with me. Funny thing is, neither one of the boys reached out to H to ask him. Whew! So it was just us three. Yay!

Having a moment. I often think about the things my MLCer has said, and something is bothering me about a comment he made.

At one point in time when he was confessing about OW and opening up about his feelings, I had asked him who, in his family, had he told about the sitch. He told me that he hadn't told anyone and had "his reasons". I don't understand this. Is it shame, is it guilt, is it confusion?

How can someone go through the rest of their life without their family, as he has cut himself off from everyone, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sister, mom, nephews and niece, everyone. This doesn't make sense to me...to cut off from everyone who is blood?

I would like to pray that he would regain his family again, but they are all hurt because of the sitch. They all "side" with me ( not that that makes a difference) and they all know, because of the one person he did tell, his mother,and none of them talk to him and are treating me like the blood instead of him.

What makes this hard is they all want me to come over and drop in and still join in the family gatherings and such, with or without the boys. It hurts me, because I want to, but I worry about everything, will they ask me about it, will he show up, will he bring "a someone", will I be talked about behind my back. Uhh, so mentally draining, and this is only coming up because of Easter being in a few weeks.

Oh, on another note, s13, seemed to be very good today. He never texted H anymore or furthered anything he started last night. Such a great kid. He laughed, smiled and joked with me and his brother all day. I think the release was very good for him.