D23 brought up the conversation W had with her co-worker. D23 couldn't understand why I wasn't angry since it was of such a personal nature. I asked how she knew about it - if she heard it or if W told her since I was still unclear on that. Turns out, W told her. Anyway, I told D23 that W is a grown woman who can and does talk about whatever she chooses, and it's pointless to let it anger me since I cannot change that.
Also, I did tell D23 that she can draw her own opinion about it, that I wasn't going to try to tell her what she should and shouldn't think. But, W is still her mother and since our issues really are not her business, she shouldn't let in affect her R with her mom.
This little revelation does lend credence to some things I was told W was saying a while back, but, at this point it's all moot.
W has also told D22 & D23 that if they had not been born, she never would have married me. That was extremely hurtful to them, yet she has shown no remorse for telling them that. For my part, I was not particularly surprised by the revelations - other than the fact W felt it necessary to tell them and not just tell me. Some of what she's told other people was far worse and more hateful.
While I wish no ill will on W, and really want nothing for her but health and happiness, I'm not sure I'm willing to continue down the path we're currently on. W claims to have lost all feelings of love for me - that's one thing that has not really changed in over a year. When she's mentioned it, I've listened and validated - didn't argue, pursue or any such thing. Yes, she's gone back and forth, but I think that's been more out of guilt for the effect it's had on the family than anything else.
I would no more hold a gun to her head than expect her to remain in a R where she has no happiness or love.
I may be a short timer here, but, my sitch has been going on for a very long time - that's why I feel all of what I've learned may well be too little, too late for my M. We get along, laugh and cut up - but, it's more like friends and W seems unwilling to allow a spark back into our R. It's either what she knows or what she has gathered from talking to her friends, that a D is what will make her happy.
Someone told me last week that, she really does want that, but, she wants me to be the one to file so she will not look guilty of tearing the family apart. Whatever - I know the truth, and I'm as much at fault as she is, I'd never try to blame it solely on her.
Had I known about MWD's books and DBing back in 2006 when things got so bad I hid behind anti-depressants, maybe things would be different now. I don't know; since I don't own a time machine there's no way to find out.
This may be my last post in this thread - maybe time for a new one. I think I may have rounded a corner. We have some financial obligations we need to see thru, but, after that I think it may be time to actually S and maybe D.
