Bustingout and IO - Thank you for asking about S4. He's recuperated so much better now. He's definitely more himself. I'm so thankful his surgery went well and he is doing better.
He will continue to have a catheter for another 2 weeks. H has taken it upon himself to spend the night with him. That's right, he's on full time dad mode.
Journaling---- Since H is around more it's kinda weird. I forgot what it was like to live with him. I kinda liked being the captain of my ship but it's nice to have company. Gotta find balance. AMEN!!^^^ I recall having a lot of awkward times at first. I thought, "THIS is what I wanted back? Be careful what you wish for!"
IT's like getting to know each other all over again and YES you did learn to be Captain of your ship, but even though you are working to find balance, don't lose ALL the independence you gained...
We talked yesterday about family stuff. His talk was about managing our properties. My talk was about parenting stuff. We talked, we listened and S4 was watching. I want to be a good role model for my kids. I want my kids to know what is good communication and I hope they will learn that from us. I didn't get that from my parents. there are resources now that our parents - in fairness to them - did not have. WE must avail ourselves of those resources and get the tools we need.
Everyone's asleep and it's after midnight. This is now the only time I get to be alone. I enjoy watching TV with him but I also enjoy time to myself. Again, balance. Keep seeking that balance out. For everyone's sake.
I didn't ask him to help care for S4. I didn't ask him to spend the night nor did I expect him to volunteer. I don't know how long he'll be here and I'm not going to ask.
After he goes to work, I notice he still has his toothbrush in the bathroom sink. That's how I know he's staying again. I don't want to think about tomorrow. Today is just fine.
sometimes, today is ENOUGH.
MC is Thurs night. Hot topic - Rebuilding Trust
actions + TIME is probably going to be what they'll say. Check out Denver's thread and see what you think...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you SS for your words of encouragement. Thank you 25. I did look at Denver's thread and agree with a lot of the things shared. I wouldn't have been able to make all those revelations back then.
We went to MC last night. Mind you the session was scheduled at 8:45pm (started at 9pm) and we had both kids with us. (it was the earliest appt he had and I scheduled it 2weeks ago!)
We talked about rebuilding trust and how we don't agree on how to go about it. H wants it to happen slowly and avoid any awkward situations. I want to get past the awkwardness so that it will feel comfortable.
Ex. Holding hands. I want him to hold my hand and I asked him to do it. He said it feels awkward... Ex. Frequent phone calls when he's not at work. He thought that by spending the night these past few days he was doing more than what I asked for...
We didn't get to the other stuff (letter to OW, having total access to cell and emails) because of time.
I felt so emotionally drained after this session. I just knocked out when we got home. He stayed up to watch TV.
I'm feeling a bout of self pity. Why? Could it be... poor me, he doesn't understand me? poor me, he doesn't want to try? poor me, maybe this is a waste of time? poor me, all the above?
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Yup. Because you have spent a heck of a long time saying his codices are his and mine are mine.
Now there are two....
So, why is your way any better? Or for that matter his? Lol. What I am saying I think is you are right, you have been Captain for a long time and it is not easy to share command again. Maybe spending the night is the most he can give right now.
My husband equated the old Ruby with a master smacking its dog on the head with a newspaper every time it opened its mouth. He said it is hard getting used to new Ruby. He keeps expecting to be smacked. Maybe That's the reason for the slow and Very cautious approach, he is expecting the same patterns to emerge and just needs time to know they won't.
Glad your son is better . ((())). And thanks for support
I agree with you 100%! H said I was so negative before and would always bring him down. I notice now when he is being negative he's waiting for me to help him be more positive. If I miss my cue, he says he thinks something's wrong. This the new me. The new positive me.
Journaling H took the kids and I to his work today cuz they had a fair for the students. His coworkers came up to me and asked, are you Hs wife? I was reluctant and said yes. What am i going to say, err uh well we aren't married and we aren't living together sooo, no. It was a sort of reality check.
Another coworker H gets along with really well came up and said, it is a PLEASURE to meet you and I mean that sincerely. WHOA! this is me mind reading... Why? What did H tell you? Do you know about the affair? Does he know we are trying to work things out? What's with the emphasis on pleasure??? Ha? Ha? Ha?
That's left me thinking for quite a bit. Regardless, H really liked it that we were there and he was eager to introduce us to the staff.
I'm having some quiet time. D1 is napping and S4 and H went with FIL to pick up his stuff for the marathon. FILs been doing this for the past 8years and he's about 55yo. He runs it in 3:55! crazy!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
@c glad to hear that S$ is doing well. And it sounds potentially promising with your M - that's great news!
Wising the best for you. Thoughts and prayers out to you and your family.
Keep posting - it's inspirational.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I agree with you 100%! H said I was so negative before and would always bring him down. if there is ANY truth to ^^that, then changing it is great FOR YOU and your kids. Just saying...
I notice now when he is being negative he's waiting for me to help him be more positive. If I miss my cue, he says he thinks something's wrong. This the new me. The new positive me.
Journaling H took the kids and I to his work today cuz they had a fair for the students. His coworkers came up to me and asked, are you Hs wife? I was reluctant and said yes. What am i going to say, err uh well we aren't married and we aren't living together sooo, no. It was a sort of reality check.
Another coworker H gets along with really well came up and said, it is a PLEASURE to meet you and I mean that sincerely. WHOA! this is me mind reading... Why? What did H tell you? Do you know about the affair? Does he know we are trying to work things out? What's with the emphasis on pleasure??? Ha? Ha? Ha? Funny but I saw this^^ introduction as a total positive 2, seriously! I think he was saying he wanted to meet your h's family for real, hence the "I mean that sincerely" b/c he may have known your h was miserable for awhile, and is hopeful now that he'll be happier.
IF he knew about the affair, he sounds RELIEVED that it's over and is happy to meet YOU...
That's left me thinking for quite a bit. Regardless, H really liked it that we were there and he was eager to introduce us to the staff. this^^ is what matters and what you can "know".
I'm having some quiet time. D1 is napping and S4 and H went with FIL to pick up his stuff for the marathon. FILs been doing this for the past 8years and he's about 55yo. He runs it in 3:55! crazy!!
keep up the good work!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Valeska19 - no and no I'm so scared of getting hurt that I don't even test the waters.
MC session left me feeling very defeated. H doesn't want to rebuild trust the same way as I do. This is why we returned to MC. I thought that after 2 sessions we would come to a bit of an agreement.
Let me rephrase that, I thought that after 2 sessions, H would give in to my ideas on how to rebuild trust. Instead, he continues with the "it's awkward" "give it time" "go by my actions" blah blah blah.
I want a grand gesture. That's right, GRAND! like 'get off your lazy a$$ and do something that will turn this whole sitch around' gesture.
I feel like I need to accept that this is as far as he'll go. He's not going to budge and I'm not going to get the grand gesture or the minimal gesture.
Back to your ques V. I will not hold his hand. I'm afraid. He said that the thought of holding my hand is awkward. F- that! We hug. that's it... everything after that is f- awkward.
I'm in a funk about this. can you tell?
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
. ((())). And thanks for support