Suckerpunch stage 3

[stilllookingup]

I didn't want to say this because I hate hurting you. I care about you and always will, but I feel no physical attraction to you. i haven't for a long time. I have tried to get it back. Even on all of the vacations we have been on, I wanted to feel something, but I just felt empty. I am sorry. I know that is hard to hear and I am sorry. I don't think once it has been gone so long, I can get it back. I know this isn't your fault. It is my issues that created that distance and made us lose connection

Question. Do you still hug/touch her when you see her? I ask this because detachment and some 180 didn't work on my H at all. I too think he was emotionally leaving me because of lack of physical affection on my part. Soon after BD I implemented 180. I tried to be mysterious about where I was, I often came home little later than usual, didn't talk to him much, didn't touch him, didn't hug/kiss him. It seemed to be working at first because I thought he was curious.

After a couple of months though I felt he was slipping away. I even told my coach that I felt he was. Since I mentioned my fear of touching him to my coach, he suggested that I would do a little more drastic action to get over my fear. I told him we have a great height difference so he told me to take out a step stool, hop on it and give him a hug/kiss next time he helped me with cooking etc. Considering the situation we were in, I thought it was silly but that made sense. That same day, I asked my H to teach me how to use a tool I've never used before and he gave me a hands-on instructions on how to use it. On his way out I so wanted to pull out a small step stool and do what the coach suggested but I couldn't. I did though gathered all my guts and reached for a hug to thank him for teaching me. It was very light but he hugged me back.

His beloved grandpa passed away in Feb and I was reminded again how precious life and time are. Around the same time I started getting up every morning before H would leave the house for work, waited on the couch for him to get ready and hopped on the couch near the front door to give him a hug. He hugged me back tight every single time. Now this seems like a total 180 of 180 but it says in the book "If something is not working, it's not working" and I really believe a total detachment in my case did not work at all because what my H missed in our m was my affection.

Every WAS is different but now you know the real reason why she left, maybe you can validate that again and start giving him a friendly hug or something. Or when she does something really small and nice thing, you can thank her by giving her a hug? (It could even be coming to your bd party or picking up your D instead of you etc) I've been really amazed at what a hug a day can do. The last time we hugged, I felt he was not letting me go when I was ready to pull away.

Just thought I'd share..