I haven't been here for a while but thought I'd do a quick catch up.
Things are going well at the moment. I have been offered an amazing opportunity (and also worked very hard for that opportunity to happen) to train as a teacher next year. I'll be teaching primary age 5-11 and being paid to do so. Normally you have to pay �9000 of fees to train plus all your living expenses but I got offered a place on a scheme where you get your fees paid and earn a good salary too. I could not be more happy.
Yesterday I passed my exams which I have been working so hard for to get onto the scheme including maths which was a huge hurdle for me and although I am living with my parents still and that presents it's own issues which I have written about before, I am using the opportunity to save towards a mortgage so I can be independent again. This is something I value so much since the divorce and am really proud of having achieved.
My career has always been a sticking point for me and something that was an issue when I was married because I was always unhappy and bored at work. I love teaching and the responsibility and business of it and the kids are great. It also affords me 6 weeks in the summer to do as I like so I can travel if I like and also means I am not stuck in London and can live anywhere and there will be jobs. This is also huge for me.
I look back at what I have done since ex left and I can't believe it. From the utter misery for so long to realising there are opportunities out there if you grab them. Life will be hard too, the depression I felt when ex left and then at coming home from backpacking last summer was quite crushing but if you just keep open, the hardest thing when there is potential hurt and disappointment, then good things will come around again too.
I guess one thing that is still bothering me though is Joe, the guy I was seeing (for 2 years) when I was away. Over last summer he just cut me out his life for no reason that was apparent. Apart from a message at Chrostmas saying he loved me, nothing. I have not pursued but it is bothering me. I know it is more about him and his issues than me because I can genuinely say I didn't do anything, and you know me, I analyse that sort of thing a lot. And I can see my choice of partner was very much about where I was at at the time, not particularly healthy. But it is bothering me and I don't know whether to write to him or not, I am really at the point of cutting him out. Deleting fb etc. But it was just so rude to ignore me, especially after promising to marry me etc when we got back. Ok, even writing it I can see THAT was never going to happen.
I feel in a place of strength now. I am planning a really fun summer of travel and work before the really hard work begins in September. I feel writing to him is a risk to that, but can I learn to just let it go?
