Labug, Blake, PON, thanks. I like the brick wall idea. That also may bring me out of my funk. I do need to detach more. My W actions do affect me and I need to get away from that.
PON, it is amazing that your W said the exact same thing to you. I hadn't read that on any other sitch. You just want to help them so badly but as everyone says, they can only help themselves.
As for the kids, I have always been there for them. To a fault even. I have always tried to be "super dad". I have given up things that I enjoy doing so I could spend more time with the family. In hindsight this was a mistake. W even made a comment recently about how I stopped playing softball.
Again, thanks for the reply. It is not so easy to look in the mirror sometimes and describe what you see and the mistakes and wrong turns you have made.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz you have been given great advice. What you experienced with your wife is common. What I mean is that she doesn't feel like herself and you smother her with your behavior and anxiety and basically push her off the cliff. Why do I know this you ask? I did it myself. My wife had panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. I kept trying to fix her. You know what she said to me Grizz? She said "all I want you to be is normal" sound familiar.
Grizz get your anxiety in check. Start working on yourself and stop worrying about your wife. Ok? As matter of fact can you go a week without posting what SHE is doing? Can you?
What are you doing to gal? List it and then double it What are you doing for self growth? List it , then triple it
Become a man only a fool would want to leave and if she leaves she is a fool. You are not even remotely close to being that person. What are you going to start doing TONIGHT in the moment to change the dynamics of your marriage.
If you don't think they notice you are wrong and never self promote your work
Tomorrow should be interesting. W and I are going to a concert. We have had tickets for a long time. It will be 1 1/2 hour car ride each way with just the two of us. I can't remember when we have been together for that long with no buffer. Wish me luck. PMA, PMA, PMA.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Good luck Grizz. W and I were in a similar situation 3 weeks ago. It actually went well. I was just myself. Reminded myself prior to be calm and open. Also, LISTEN. I mean really listen. And finally, have no expectations.
Stay away from R talks unless W goes there. Seems like a good night to NOT have R talks. My goal would be to make sure both you and W have a really good time. R talks may muddy that.
Be your funloving self Grizz. Have fun at the concert!
You got this Grizz!! Have fun. That's most important. I don't care how long you've had the tickets, the fact that she still wants to go is a good thing. DO NOT bring up R, is she does just listen to her and let her do all the talking. If she says something that upsets you remember I over E Intellect over Emotion. Think first before responding
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Last night went really well. No R talk at all. We both had a good time. Laughed, small talk. The best night definitely since BD. during one of the slow songs she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. Felt like old times. NO EXPECTATIONS!!
Thanks for asking. Now back to DBing.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Last night went really well. No R talk at all. We both had a good time. Laughed, small talk. The best night definitely since BD. during one of the slow songs she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. Felt like old times. NO EXPECTATIONS!!
Thanks for asking. Now back to DBing.
Great! keep at it, and watch for gradual improvements.
