Mana Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

[Tallula]

So I was sad today. Just had a nice cry in the shower. It still amazes me that when I just the feelings flow through me, it ends. It's like I push it down, well mostly because my kids are around, and it feels like I will be sad forever. 5 minute shower sob, much better.

It's just the inability to leave each other alone that is replaying in my head. That someone has such a hold over my H, that he is willing to throw away our family for this person. Our years together. Then I get mad because I'm over here, pregnant and alone. And he has someone to confide in, to hold him. And I'm over here crying in a warm shower.

It hurts. It just does.

I've reasched out to a woman I really respect in ala-non. I have known her for years, but was hesitant due to the fact that she loves H and goes to the meeting OW and he went to. But, I need more support from people outside of my family and friends. I need some judgement free folks. Now that her X told me that she really isn't going to meetings, I plan to hit one tomorrow night that I haven't been to in a year or so. God help me if she is there...

Well, everyone drink some green beer for me!!!!