I wanted to start over because I don't want to think about nightmares at this point, while I try to be positive about the future.
So... H and I are still piecing. But when I think of piecing, I think of me putting my pieces back together because my life was a complete wreck for the past year and a half.
Getting to the root of my problems is fear and inability to trust... still. But I'm working on it.
My H over the past year 1/2 since his decision that he wanted me and this marriage, has changed. He has kept his promises to never lie again. He has been honest, and he has made huge strides toward improving out marriage.
But I'm still stuck on the trust issue. I think it's because I was burned badly in my first marriage and now this time around too.
I'm not having daily anxiety like I used to about him lying and cheating again, or what he did, but there are periods where I go about two months and then anxiety will hit for about a day and I worry that he is lying and cheating.
I hope that as time goes by these anxiety attacks will lessen.
He never fails to reach out to me, and listen to me. He has repeatedly tried to reassure me that this is what he wants and that he is certain. In counseling, a month ago, he cried about how he nearly lost his family and how he feels a constant guilt for it.
How can I help him through his guilt. I don't know for sure.
I'm still working on complete forgiveness. It's harder to completely forgive when he knew what my ex did to me, and he came into this marriage and did the same.
I have to look at him as a separate person, not my ex.
This has definitely been a journey. I love this man so much. I know that he loves me too.
