Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 9

[jp787]

Met very young, W-15, Me-19. Married W-19, Me-23
I was her first and only, I had other gf's
I have had depression since teens.
We had ups and downs for several years, I became very emotionally abusive, controlling, selfish, wasn't there for her emotionally or physically. I became very verbally abusive to her. She had an Affair at 5 years married. I got scared and changed. We got through the affair and moved away, she gave me a second chance.
I bugged her for years about the affair, and was very controlling.
Very jealous.
I became addicted to porn and emotionally diapered from my family. I looked at porn, spent many ours a day online.
My wife walked on egg shells and protected the girls from my temper and absence (not being there emotionally). I stopped the verbal abuse, but still was emotionally abusive to her.
This went on for years until last November she said she was done and wanted a D. I woke up again, stopped the porn, turned around, etc. She went on a two week trip by herself to see friends and family and to just get away. she met up with an old friend who she grew up with, hadnt seen in 20 year. Also met another old friend and his wife, both live in the next state.
She ended up texting the male friend and it quickly turned into an EA. After I confronted her and she lied, I found proof and she finally admitted it. They texted all day long, she send hundreds of sexually graphic pics of herself to him. After several confrontations, he said he wanted his marriage and said they only could be friends, but W wants more and is still hooked on him. She also started to send text and pics to the other guy and hi wife who are into swinging, she wants to meet up with them and have fun.
At this point she has seeked T and found out that she has PSTD from being abused by her father, grandfather and me.
She has had an explosion of sexual desires since this came up in November, although she admits to having sexual desired before, just never acting on them.
Currently we are separated almost 2 months and I am at home with D's. She is at my moms.
I think she is working on herself, but think she has had a sexual exposition and has had a taste of being free and others.
I dont think anything physical, yet...
I am ready to fix myself and save our marriage, last time I just got comfortable and slipped right back into the sh1t.
I honestly dont deserve another chance with her, I have been so horrible to her for sooo long.
Right now I am hyper focused on her and cant stop.
I think she wants to see me change and possibly make us work, but she says right now that she needs to work on herself, which is great. I fear she will continue down seeing others and or sexting. She flirts with all guys she knows.
Sorry got long and I feel i didnt cover it all.