Bea, I can so relate to your latest posting. I felt the same way after all of the acting out behavior, the divorce, etc. and when I did finally sit down w/my xh approximately 5 years after the divorce, he looked, sounded and somewhat acted like the h I once knew. However, when I looked at home, it was looking at someone in a year book, not someone that I had lived w/for 25 years.
I totally agree w/you about the detachment and how far we've come by the time some of they begin reconnecting. It's sad because by that time, many have opted to totally move on and not try to build a new relationship/reconcillation w/them.
I'm glad you posted your thoughts on the matter. It helps to know that others have experienced the same thing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
