Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[scaredsilly]

I'm pleasantly surprised by your response. I expected you to really rip me a new one! Instead I feel your vulnerability and pain and I feel such empathy towards you.

I know how hard this is. I also know what turned my M around was when I put my focus on the kind of person I wanted to be, no matter what my H behaved like.

I became kinder to the people I know; my son, my grandkids, my neighbors. But I also practiced looking strangers in the eye and really trying to give kindness and empathy to everyone I came in contact with. It helped me to think of everyone as going through some type of pain (because, really, aren't we all?).

I was separated from my H so it was probably easier for me but I made it my mission to always reply to him with kindness and never to give anger.

I do not just become a doormat, though. I set boundaries that I would not continue to discuss painful events from the past that were already sincerely apologized for. I also stated my needs in a non demanding way because I was willing to live without my H in order to keep my core values.

My H is far from perfect. Do I wish I could change some things about him? Absolutely! Just like I wish I could win the lottery.

But, you know what? When I changed, he changed, too. It's hard to be selfish and mean to someone who is not afraid to be kind and vulnerable.

It's a consistent, over time thing, just like the book and the vets say here. You can't give up because someone else doesn't appreciate your changes immediately. With enough consistency and time, they will or you will become someone who wants a better partner.