Mana Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

[movingon-1968]

blake-I think that letting the OM's W know what great. It is what I would suggest to do.

That's probably the ONLY thing that I wouldn't go back and do differently. She had a right to know what was going on, especially considering his history. For my part, I can see where I could've handled things MUCH better in my own glass house...

So far this week we have Sunday: I don't want a D. Monday: texted that we should go see a lawyer. 1 hour later: I'm sorry, you are amazing. Tuesday: I'm totally screwed up, it's me. I'm a mess.

Wow, he really does change directions more than a pendulum...

So, yeah, I don't hold out for long periods of clarity.

Understandable...

He was upset that he had texted my parents about my grandma's loss and that they never texted him back.

I'm sure they know at least some of what you've been going thru - what did he expect? A grand welcoming committee? And his comment may well have been an attempt at some sort of sympathy...

I didn't play into any of these comments. I just listened. Didn't react to the lawyer or no divorce either. I just listen.

Showing great strength and courage.

All tuesday he was very remorseful, more than I've seen so far. More introspective.

It's common for the WAS to show remorse and guilt - and actually feel it. My W has gone there several times. It almost seems like she's begging for forgiveness. But, I know she hasn't changed her mind either...

I finally said to him "look. I'm not ready to file. If you are, great. But here is the deal. I'm working on me. Will my parents hate you forever, don't know. Will we fight about who does the dishes and puts the kids to bed forever, don't know. But I do know, that I've been able to keep a house clean, do 3 people's laundry and not fight with you since we separated. I can set boundaries with people that I previously couldn't. That I have pride in how I'm handling our children, this pregnancy. That I'm trusting in God and not my will like I was the past year. That's what I know, today. Maybe you can just look at what you know. All the rest we will know when we are suppose to know.

He took a deep breath. And agreed.

That's when I said "Well, it will be ok. 10 minutes from now it will be all my fault again."

Again, showing great strength, courage and maturity. He has to realize, if even on a subconscious level, that you are growing as a person, and soon may well outgrow him. That may also give him some pause to think about his actions. Just a few of the questions you might consider are (mostly a rhetorical list since I'm sure you've already thought of these):

• would you take him back?
• under what conditions would you take him back?
• what boundaries would you set?
• what are the ramifications if the boundaries are broken?
• what level of transparency must he meet?
• what are you prepared to do if he refuses?

And really, all of the above is necessary for him to be willing to do to prove that he deserves YOU as his wife.

Really, you're strength and resolve is an inspiration!!