Thoughts in Hindsight

[Accuray]

This was ironic because I posted similar "a couple years out" thoughts on Adinva's thread yesterday.

The distinction I would make on the discussion above is that the one who wants to save the marriage has to do 100% of the work -- no question.

"The Work", however, is separate from owning 100% of the blame for what happened, and I thought that was the point Denver was making. Being "left behind" tends to pummel your self esteem and make you feel "less than", which adds to the natural tendency to assume that the treatment you've received is *your fault*.

I thought Denver's point was to help newcomers to see that it is not all their fault, despite how they might be feeling.

The unfortunate side, to Adinva's point, is that even though it's not all your fault, you still have to do "all the work", assuming you want to save the marriage when your spouse does not.

Accuray