So this is my first venture into posting so please be patient with me. I hope I can get back some feedback on my stich.
So, my H of 4 years walked out on me and my two S about a month and a half ago. He had dropped the bomb a few days after Christmas that he wasn't happy in our marriage anymore, that all I did was nag and was a generally unhappy person. I was highly stressed out at the time (I work as a cop, mother of a 1 yr old and 3 yr old, and only parent that gives undivided attention and cleanup at home) and couldn't understand why he couldn't see that I am/was happy just stressed.
I of course panicked and did everything you should NOT DO if you want to save your relationship. I begged, cried, kicked, screamed, insulted him...you name it. I am highly ashamed of it. He told me shortly thereafter that he couldn't be in a relationship with me any longer and had one foot in the door and one foot out. I panicked even more and forced him to make a decision. He chose to leave. He got himself an extremely expensive apartment about 5 minutes from our house and I recently saw a bank statement of his and saw that he spent about 12K to fully furnish it. There isn't another woman that i can tell...at least not yet.
So since this event, we have been going to couples counseling at his insistence. Only problem is that he went from "we need a break" to "I want a divorce". I have been employing all of the DBing tactics to get him back. The positive signs are that he keeps in communication with me still, says that he wants to build a strong friendship with me, still says that he is hurting and cry's opening in our therapy, and texts me randomly throughout the week to see how my day is going. But, nonetheless, he says that he does not want to be married to me any longer and he is not going to change his mind.
Part that hurts the most is that he acknowledges that I have changed, but says that its too late. He says it is a slap in the face that i have done this AFTER he has left, and not when i was still with him. Also, he has said that I am the perfect woman and he couldn't have chosen a better mother for his children, and if he couldn't make it work with me, he probably couldn't make it work with anyone else.
So my question is should i continue the path that i am on...I feel like he keeps says no and i keep saying yes. It is so exhausting! i am trying to stay upbeat and confident and say positive affirmations everyday...but I feel so emotionally beat down right now.
Any insight or advice would be most appreciated. Thanks for reading
