still new & not sure how to navigate on these boards yet.... up above is the search button with arrow... I typed in AnotherStander, but all I found were AS comments on others threads (I believe). I didn't find anything about imaginary chalk board... am I doing this correctly?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"Yes you do. So do it. And prepare to do it for the long haul. Don't do it a day or two and then reach out to her for a temperature check again, because every time you reach out to her you set the clock back to zero. If you imagine a timeline labeled "Give Her Space" at the top, the starting point is titled "The Day I Quit Pressuring Her". Every time you apply pressure your marker gets moved back to the start. So each day, picture that marker a little farther along the path, hopefully that'll help you to understand the importance of maintaining your distance and resisting applying pressure."
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Keep in mind this is a marathon, not a sprint. It sounds like you're hoping for quick fixes, but as 25 is fond of saying, "Consistent actions + Time = change your S can believe in."
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
ah.. yes, I have seen those comments before & I believe they apply to me too.
Good job cbtdad... I'm very envious!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Nothing to be envious of yet! But thanks for the "good job" So long to go. She is gonna put the house up for sale his week or next. I hate that but i can't bring it up. I also know her mood can change any moment. I've also come to understand that nothing I do can control her thoughts or actions. His has made it easier to detach
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
sounds like you have an awkward day coming up (listing house). How long have you gone without any pursuit? How often did you have to see her during this time?
My sitch is kinda strange as we speak at least 5x/day about work and we see eachother every couple of days. Makes it hard to say bye, each time. Makes it hard to not be at his beck & call.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I've gone a few weeks without any pursuit. I see her almost everyday because we have a 3 year old and I like to try and see him each day for a little bit at minimum The house is hers, so it's completely her choice in the end. I just feel like she rushes into every decision she makes. I guess including marrying me:) I know what you mean about it being hard to say bye. It's tough each time, but I know this gonna take time
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
hmmm... my h is the opposite, he makes decisions after a very long time of thinking. Very very long time. including our separation. Which makes it hard to accept, because he took the time to come to the conclusion and that made him more determined. I wish it had been a "rushed decision" one that he might regret.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
W definitely got a little warmer today. We got into a conversation about her upcoming trip to FL to look for new horse and about her putting house on market. She was discussing how the house appraised for a lot more than she thought. Which it turn will up her budget on new horse. She talked about how she knows she still needs to keep a limited budget because there is still so much unknown with us in the future. She even mentioned that if she got a certain type of horse in wouldn't have to worry about certain horse shows anymore. There is a guy that I've worried about that owns a horse show company that she rides at his shows. Also before this i had told her that my cousins wife was getting really close to having the baby. She said, she hopes she doesn't have it while she's gone because she really wanted to be there with me. I ended conversation before she did, did not bring up any future talk or R talk other to reply to things she brought up. I didn't do any "tempature checks" Gonna just keep doing what I'm doing for me. Patience patience patience
PS, calling off retouvaille completely and taking that stress off of her was one of the best things I ever did. Thanks AS!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
hi cbtdad... good for you... KEEP IT UP!!... My H commented again today that I am making changes to get what I want (him). Go read my thread & leave your opinion...TX!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
