So close I can taste it...

[SM34]

One comment on the ssri and I have asked my own gp about this and she confirmed it. Ssri prescribed to someone who is bi polar, especially at a large dose, can cause manic episodes. Manic episodes can obviously include the type of reckless behavior a WAS can exhibit.

Here is the kicker. Bi polar disorder is VERY genetic right? I mean if one of your parents is diagnosed then yiu need to be screened for it because it runs in the family. The reason my MIL thinks its contributing to wifes behavior is that MIL is bipolar herself, and wife has never been screened for it.

When MIL was put on ADs many years ago dhe to trauma from her childhood (she was raped by her step father and when sbe told her own mother she was accused of lieing and thrown out of the house) her manic episode manifested mostly as a spending money recklessly, but she did also have a reckless encounter with my FIL that left her pregnant with wife at 16 years old.

I have menioned this in a previous post. Again I am the first to admit that there is no doubt in my mind I neglected my wifes sexual needs (even if I thought once or twice a week should be enough, it obviously wasnt for her, and she told me that) the only reason I think ssri is a factor at all is because we all know there are other ways you can try to fix your M or get throuhh to your spouse. My wife has admitted that if we had gone to therapy it would have saved us, but her lack of caring at this point, and her lack if empatby to what she is doing to me and her daughter, is what bothers me. Its just really out of cbaracter for her.

My coach talked to me about another reason she doesnt feek this is a typical WAW situation. Aside from the fact that she didnt I dicate to her therapist that she was unhappy with our M etc.. the disturbing part is that a WAW normally wants to leave tbe husband, not the family. In other words, she is taking the kids with her. My wife has said more than once that she is leaving D3 with me. In her fantasy she lives with OM alone. Despite her wanting more kids up until 3 weeks before BD, she now wants to be single again. This is more of CRISIS type behavior acccording to my DB coach.

In any case, les not get bogged down in details and opinions. I need o move forward from here. I will do my best to practice humility, not talk to MIL about this, not snoop, etc and focus on myself. I feel in my heart that I can get my wife back. I don know why but I really do feel that way. I know she loves me and I know she wishes it would work. I also kniw she doesnt quite believe it could at this point. Thats where we need to focus on, not whether we agree on ssri effects or if my stories are consistant (I dont know the truth of our M history anymore after all this rewritting by wife and the time that has passed since we were a couple). All I know and all I can influence is what happens from this day forward......

Lets get started! So im arrogant. I need to drop tbat. I might be treating her like a baby. I need to change that. But how? Help me! I am not good at this change stuff, as you all know. I am a creature of habit, but somehow I MUST overcome that!

Ladies, pls give me some pointers. What do you tell people like me to practice?