Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[BRNR]

I so wish we could have a "Like" button on these threads...

The reason I do not think your h wants a divorce right now is because he's not threatening you w/the word divorce at every turn. He's been very good about coming to the home, doing things w/both the children and w/you and his entire attitude has been quite different than the normal angry mlcer. He appears to be quite comfortable w/the way things are at this time and doesn't appear to be in any hurry to end the marriage. Keep in mind that I am getting this impression from your postings and it's not to be a "prediction" of what will be or not be, but a sense of what you've posted from your interactions with him.

I concur with your thoughts. I try to be accurate in my reflections of the situation as to get the best feedback from everyone, and I feel this as well. H even told me he "didn't want the divorce" when we had our major fight, but I was on the believe nothing they say kick...So, I am constantly looking for the reason he has not divorced or threatened the divorce. I guess for me, when one has gone so far as he, to sign a year lease on an apartment, separate marital money's, and changing addresses, new phone, etc...it seems only logical that this would be the next step and would be quite easy for him to do so...if only I could get in that mind of his and really know why...

There is no way of predicting what the outcome would be if you were to push for relationship talks right now. I think it's too soon for the talks and the timing isn't quite right. That's why I suggested setting a goal of several months down the road to see where he's at during that time.

I actually had the same timeline as you suggested to wanting to have these talks as this would be mid-way through his lease on his apartment. In my opinion, if we were to work on "us", then I would want to try and do so while we our in our own domain, so if needed, we could get away and have space to evaluate any problems that could arise during reconciliation. But that is my timeline, and not his, so I have a plan, but know things may never happen in this form or fashion or at all.

As suggested, I will stay the course, as my situation has "improved" since I posted on day one. I am learning that Hope and Expectations can easily be confused and am working on trying to not let things bother me...letting go and detaching. I will admit, that I am not fully there, and ever wonder if someone can, but I am working on it.

Everything about DB'ing is counter intuitive, but I must be doing something right to have gotten this far...

So summary on final thoughts...
-no OR or Divorce talks initiated by me
-no initiating contact with H unless it is regarding financial or kid matters
-I will respond to his text, calls, emails, visit with all the positive feelings I can...
-I will no longer invite him to anything, and I think I am going to start dodging the one on one outings (for now), but continue with the family ones should H invite me

As I mentioned to Portia (and you could either agree or disagree), but I think when they get the sense that they have "lost us" is when they start to introspect about themselves and the sitch. I guess that is what they mean act as-if. And I know I can do that, as I try to tell myself all the time "remember all the pain he has caused you". This helps me continue the course, because ultimately, while I can get over the pain in time, (which is what I got, right?), ultimately, I will need him to show remorse and sympathy for everything if we should ever got back together.