Running on Fumes

[BRNR]

The hurt and disappointment is what makes this so hard. If I could truly detach, I am not even sure I would mind "limbo" so much.

Portia, I totally agree with this and have empathy as I feel the same. But I have been thinking of things in a way that has helped. For me, I keep thinking, "he broke my heart, lied, deceived, betrayed my trust, etc" and that helps me to gain the strength to just leave my H alone..at least for now. When he is nice, he pulls me back in and I see my "old H" and I just keep reminding myself of these facts, and pay no mind to why he may be doing what he is doing. But I do this for me internally only, I don't portray this to him...

B, you asked whether or not we've ever had a long period of no contact. Thinking back, we really haven't. The longest may have been about a week. I was the pursuer after BD (prior to reading DR) but after that, I managed to control myself fairly well and since then have not initiated much contact. BUT, he is starting to go longer and longer without contacting me (which is why I suspect the GF is back in the picture).

I am in the same boat here as well. But I think our H's need to miss us, so you may want to think about going dark, especially in your sitch with no kids involved (I think?)

My invites to lunch/dinners/social events with or without my children has ceased as well. I am thinking OW is back in my H's picture too in some way, or maybe never left, but in my view, it doesn't really matter anymore to me, because, while I want H back, it will never happen for me if she is still "around". For me, she will need to be long gone before I would consider letting my H back into my life...

Is it funny that the more he makes an effort to tell me his plans or whereabouts (i.e. saw your text before passing out last night, the more I suspect that he is lying?

No, it is not wrong for you to feel this way, I do on a lot of occasions, but try to not think about it...weren't you the one who told me " he is going to do whatever he wants anyway". Remember detachment...

I feel we are moving further apart rather than even standing still. At least in the fall he wanted to see me, now it does not even appear that he wants to see me at all.

I know it is hard...I truly sympathize on this one...me too. Man Portia, we have so much in common when it comes to our feelings. But again, I think it is when they have that feeling that they have lost us, is when they turn to introspect their feelings about us more. Count this as a blessing, I am. Because in the end this will give them the info THEY need to move forward...good or bad, is only something they can decide. Remember, we cannot control how they feel.

Portia, you can do this girl. So can I. Keep at it, work on detachment...I know we both will get through the other side with each others support! I know I am new at this too, but I feel sometimes it helps me to hear from others to confirm our feelings and thoughts and clear the perspective a little. Take what you like, toss what you don't.

Smile - have a nice day!