I am not belittling the importance of introspection and personal growth. I just think that when you are in a marriage, your spouse should accept you warts and all. They should be part of that process of growth. Especially, if you are willing to change. When A spouse doesn't communicate their issues and just walks away, it is unreasonable and unhealthy to constantly take the blame and focus on:
"//and this is where i beat me up because maybe i could have done things differently well of course i could have//
Work on becoming a more loving, giving, mature person - Yes. Beat yourself up for not being perfect - No, none of us are.
