I'm having a hard time with the juxtaposition of the two extremes of him knowing what he is doing is wrong and how much it's hurting others, coupled with near suicidal depression, to the self full-fulfillment and ongoing search for happiness in all the quick fix places. I guess I'm learning to have zero expectations, not just with him, but with how MLC will express itself in him. The reality is he is going to open up to me at the same time he is in the euphoria of a new and YOUNG love affair.
You're having a hard time with it? Just imagine living with it in your head all the time
Know what I heard in all of that? His struggle. And yours. He hasn't hit rock bottom yet though. Hence the continued struggle. He seems to think, much like an addict, he can stop any time and make everything right. There's a lot of similarities there. As my exBIL once said to me (he's an addict and spent a lot of time watching people while in jail)"People have to hit bottom before they'll change" He's right in some ways. I think it fits with your H.
Time is not an element your H has a handle on. His perception of time is warped. But he is working through some pieces of the issue. Be patient. If he stops now, he won't finish the trip and will retreat to some dark corner for a very long time.
I'm impressed by you. Your ability to listen and have compassion is very rare. And your strength (even if you don't feel like it )
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
