Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[scaredsilly]

"Half an hour later, I brought it up, told him he snapped, he looked me straight in the face, blankly, denied it, then walked out of the room. Morning goes on. Needed H's help with the boys. I started to get tense as the morning went on and started yelling. H didn't help as needed (failed to get S6's soccer gear etc despite my asking). I end up having to do it. Last thing before I leave I ask for an apology. He says, "F you, you're a screaming maniac" and turns his back."

do you think your screaming at the boys was misplaced anger that was fueled by what you thought your H should be doing? do you think your H was aware of this? do you think screaming, no matter whom it's directed at, makes others around it uneasy, tense, and nervous? do you think it may have made HIM angry?

"Health - well, true, it's his problem, not mine, BUT, and this is different from you SS, I have 2 little kids who need a father. He owes it to THEM to stay healthy. Like I said, he self medicates and I think he also punishes himself a bit when he overeats or makes bad choices. It's like a way to disrespect himself because deep down he doesn't believe he's worth more than that."

see that big "BUT" after "it's his problem, not mine"? i think you are using your kids as an excuse to control and justify your anger and resentment because he won't let you. you don't like what he does to himself and you would do it differently. his body is the only thing in the entire world that does not belong to someone else and no one else can take it, legally. and yet, you think it belongs to you and he should do what YOU want. don't use your kids to justify your resentment.

"Last thing before I leave I ask for an apology."

that's like a parting shot. is this the best way to get someone to apologize? it's almost like a demand for penance and an admission of guilt. like i said, communicating your feelings (sadness, hurt, loss, fear, anxiety), without blame, those are the ways to gain empathy (validation).

do you know that when i read your posts, all i see are a litany of complaints about your H? how he doesn't cook what you want, doesn't shop where you want him to buy groceries, doesn't take care of his OWN body the way you want him to, snores too loudly, etc., etc.? and i also see a woman who feels the victim and is blaming her H for it and not doing the work to make herself a better person, a kinder person, a person who is vulnerable and giving, a grateful person.

i was like you.

i've tried to hint around at what might help but you come right back with your story about how all your problems are because of him.

you H certainly has issues. but he's not on here. you are. and i also see you, again, looking to other men for validation. i'm not sure you should be over here, yet...