Thanks AS and azguy. AS you know the exact words to use to get a point across. Those are exactly the things I was thinking. But, azguy, I begin to lose patience with all this. I know this is going to take time. I just hate the unknown. I just want to work on this and see if there's a chance and then move on one way or the other. That's what I hate. Because I feel like sometimes I don't want this either. I feel as of I should have one foot out the door and draw back sometimes. Then others I want to do anything I can to help so that hopefully I get that chance to work on it together. I'm working on my patience, but it is so tough
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
My sitch is different than yours, so I don't mean to scare you. However, the one thing I did with my W when we were having problems was tell her that maybe I wasn't interested in working out, that maybe a divorce would be for the best. I look back at those statements as ones I made in anger and frustration. I was, I guess, trying to protect myself from more pain, as I think you are doing. Try to imagine yourself in another year or so, divorced. Are you okay with that path? I thought I was, only to find it was all bluster and "to hell with it" type of frustration. I feel like I have more patience now. I wish I did back then. More importantly I hope, if you have the interest, that you have the resolve to not hit the self-destruct button.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
Thanks azguy! That's the plan. I am working on having patience everyday. I definitely get frustrated sometimes. But overall i definitely want this to work. My goal is to just get to a point where she will work on it together with me. I know I can't control when or if that will eer happen. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to work on it either. Like I said I just hate the unknown. Thanks for the words earlier guys:) Text after we spoke in the phone and I basically said that everything is good and let's just try to organize as best as possible:
Me: W, the best way I can try and explain what I was trying to get across earlier is that I would be happy to help on weekdays, I just need advanced notice and WC as backup. Lets just see if we can coordinate everything by the end of the month. I realize things wont go exactly as planned, that's why I just want some backup.
W: Ok but I give you as much notice as possible and this fl is crap but you will have known ab the shows coming up for 4 months I'm doing the best I can
Me: I know you are and that's why I wanted to tell you that. Some things are out of our control. This FL thing is one of those.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I hate when I talk to some people about the fact that W and I are currently separated. And they say, "don't let that happen. You can't let this happen, especially for your S" Of course I don't want it to happen. I would do anything I stop it. I know not takes one to begin to work on it, but it ultimately takes two to make it work in the end. Just so frustrating
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Wife is starting to warm up again. Just reminding myself to continue to GAL, and not pursue. I am going to completely do what I have been doing until I hear the words out of her mouth, "I'm ready to work on things" or something to that extent:) Patience patience patience!!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
cbtdad... how is she warming up?... what have you been doing? keep doing it!! Yep, patience, patience, patience... apparantly!
Fingers crossed!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
She is being a lot more pleasant. Doesn't reply to me with one word answers as much. Actually stays in the room to talk when I go to her moms house. She's been texting me funny jokes or pictures. I have been GALing for me! Living my life for me, not for her. Not pursuing, not asking her questions, helping here and there, but not being at her beck and call. I don't initiate any texts or conversations unless they are about our S. I've bought into 2 big things I've learned on this board. 25's formula for change she can believe in AS's imaginary chalk board of starting from the beginning
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
where do I find both of those threads? do you know how to link them, so that I can read?
I am very happy for you... I hope this means good things to come for you and W!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
where do I find both of those threads? do you know how to link them, so that I can read?
I am very happy for you... I hope this means good things to come for you and W!
Go to the search option and search the user names for their threads. I spent a long time just reading everyone's sitches. Still do. I may not post an update in my own everyday, but I'm here everyday reading.
AnotherStander shoot, I can't remember 25's full username.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
still new & not sure how to navigate on these boards yet.... up above is the search button with arrow... I typed in AnotherStander, but all I found were AS comments on others threads (I believe). I didn't find anything about imaginary chalk board... am I doing this correctly?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
