So close I can taste it...

[cbtdad]

"When I said 'she knows a good thing when she sees it' it was phrased like that because I was talking from my wifes perspective. From my perspective I would say we BOTH know we have someone special."

SM, not trying to be a jerk, but this just jumps out to me as to what everyone is saying. You would not be on this board and in this situation if that was this case.
You need to strictly worry about you and what you can do to better yourself right now. You seem so hung up on how you got here. It doesn't matter, you can't go back in time. One of my favorite quotes is, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

I haven't met you in person and I'm not a doctor. But just reading things from you, you remind me so much of my brother. He was recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. They go through manic episodes lasting anywhere from a week to six months. And nothing is ever to blame on them. People seem to never understand them or see it their way.
I'm just telling you this because so much of what I read reminds me of him. You might want to look into that.
I wish nothing but the best, but you need do some serious soul searching