Thanks

[PatientMan]

(The following is just for thought as I ask for your opinions/experience.)

My IC thinks I should try an AD medication. I have always been leery of medicine...all kinds. I don't even like to take ibuprofen or acetaminophen if I have a headache. I figure that most medicine is just masking some other issue that needs to be addressed. In my headache example, maybe I am dehydrated, or have gotten too much sun, or got smacked in the head by a golf club. So medicine is okay as long as it isn't masking another problem that fails to go addressed. Know what I mean? If I got hit with a golf club, then okay, but maybe I just need to drink some more water, suck it up, and not make that mistake again.

Anyway, I've had more than enough time periods where I have gone through depression that I can easily recognize it myself and the thought of less volatile emotional states and stress is rather appealing, but am I crazy to not want to mask this pain and experience? It has been a stimulus to growth that I NEEDED to go through. It has been a reminder of perspective and priorities. Do I really need a pill and am I okay with taking it to "feel better"?

I realize I am an over-thinker, but part of this process has been to be brutally honest with myself. I have hit the lowest of lows several times throughout this ordeal and it has been terrible. But in a way, it was those lowest of lows where I found out what I was really made of. And I don't mean to channel my inner Hank Hill, but "I'll tell you what": I am proud of who that person is now. And that's more than I could say 16 months ago.

The IC says if dosed properly, the medicine will just make the severe lows less low...like how I feel on days that I now call my new "normal." "Normal" sad that I am getting divorced, don't see my daughters every night, etc. Not the "I feel like I am being crushed by an insurmountable weight and every day feels like a week" kind of sad.

I can guess as to what some of your responses might be, but that would be mind reading and a habit I don't want to fertilize in the garden of my mind.

Good day!
-PM