But fear and love can't live in the same space. You have to make a choice.
And it sounds like they are.. love him and let him go OR desperately hold on because of fear....
This is profound to me...yes, they cannot occupy the same space. Love is freeing, fear is suffocating. One is a release, the other is a holding on to.
The latter won't work... because the truth is that your H is already gone. Holding onto that fear is holding onto an echo of once was. Not was is.
I say that not to hurt you but in the hopes of freeing you....
Val, you are not hurting me. You ARE freeing me. These tears are tears of release. Of acceptance.
just as he made the choice to walk away - only he can make a choice in walking towards you.
Yes. Finally comprehending this ^^^
Yes you influence him by showing best self, GALing, etc.. but in the end.. this is his journey to take.. not yours.
I know..we have separate journeys now. And I cannot do anything but continue on mine.
I know that's a hard pill to swallow.. but I think you intellectually get it.
I think I do. It has been my broken heart and fear holding me back.
Thank you Val. I feel like you you entered into my darkness and handed me a light.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Okay, wow. Thanks guys. This realization that he has to choose to walk back, is stupidly profound. I say stupidly because on some level I thought I could influence the path.
val, i think things happen in their own time. you heal when you are ready, i do not think it can happen earlier... you have consistently done the work and your healing has progressed with it. ((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))
sorry for the highjack busting.
i struggle with the same issues. i am currently NC and sometimes wonder if that is what a loving forgiving person does. tough questions.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Glad that you are finding your way for you and healing.
IO, don't worry. Most of think we can directly influence their path. It's when we realize we cannot, that things often turnaround. And if not, we are better off on our path. Hope you are doing well too.
There will come a time busting that you will come to accept your sitch and on that day it will hurt but it will also be freeing at the same time. To know that tomorrow will most likely be the same as today is comforting in a way. When you come to that point in your journey, we will all be here to support you and give you cyber hugs!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Val thank you again. I don't know how to express how much you have given me these past few days.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
afa!!!!!!! How are you????? Thank you for the HUG I was starting to wonder what a girl has to do to get a hug out of you! lol
I am starting to feel better. I think I am getting better....
Thank you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you 2. Its comforting to know that you are all here and that we are all here for each other.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
