Unlearning conflict avoidance 3

[adinva]

From a female perspective, though I'm nothing like your W,

anger and passion acted out in order to appear strong and manly

looks weak and silly.

Anger expressed for the mere purpose of expressing it is counterproductive.

When you have conversation #3 with W and you tell her reasonably what you want and she says no, you may feel angry but your strength would lie in asking for and listening to her objections to look for common ground so you can resolve this dispute over who is traveling with the kids in America. When she gets RUDE, where I said before shut it down with quiet strength in the conviction that a man doesn't need to be talked to like that, THEN might be the time to show anger if it is with a purpose. Maybe Bond can say. No! W I will not be spoken to like that! Maybe slam the table? IDK.

Point I'm making, is I've been around an angry man who had to go out in the garage to throw a child's carseat because he was so angry - NOT attractive, NOT in control of himself, NOT productive. I've been around an angry man who will YELL at me, and that is not attractive.

You're coming at it from such the opposite extreme. When you dismiss my idea as being too polite, remember that my idea was to NOT stand for being spoken to like that, and to NOT be told no and back down. THAT is already a 180 for you.

You've got to know what is not OK to you, and stand up for that, politely and then more assertively, and then angrily if need be. But the real difference you're achieving is not the ANGRY it's the KNOW and the STAND UP.