It's been over nine weeks since the bomb drop. Very little contact with the STBX over this time, none in in the past month or so. My family doesn't understand why I am not furious over her actions, particularly the false DV charges and temporary RO. To be honest, neither am I.
I've lost fifty pounds since the BD. Weight loss has slowed down the past few weeks, but I think that is due to muscle gain because my clothes continue to get baggier. I lift weight three days a week without fail and do cardio five days a week. I've just gotten involved with a local non-profit as a social media consultant. I'm also thinking of volunteering again at a local museum, but am hesitant because the W used to volunteer with me there. Thinking of becoming active again at my fraternal order, but hesitant because that's where we were M'd.
Visited a friend and his family a few hours away a couple of weeks ago. Had a great time and fell in love with the area where he lived. I used to live near there and would like to move back maybe in the future.
Reading a lot of self-help books and seeing a therapist weekly. Listening to music (instrumentals only right now, it seems most of my collection is either sad song or love song or both) and podcasts. Watching a few movies, but not many.
I had to get a lawyer because of the reasons mentioned above. The W first found out about this at court hearing this week. Said she was surprised by the lawyer to the judge; not sure what she expected me to do; her claims could wreck my career. Not sure if she is doing it because she actually believes it, because she wants to push me away, because she wants to hurt me, or because she thinks it will give her an advantage in the settlement. Still cannot talk to her at all. Disappointed she has no interest in it, considering she said she thought we were great friends after the BD.
She was behind me on part of the drive home after court. I noticed she is smoking again. She smoked when we first met and had quit not long after we started going out. Odd. (And gross.)
I was doing pretty good I thought until the hearing. It was the first time I had seen her since the BD and stirred a lot of emotions up. It's really hard for me to let go and detach. I feel so much guilt for this divorce; I feel like it is 90% my fault and it is hard to forgive myself.
Feeling pretty abandoned this week; a friend was supposed to meet me after my hearing but did not show. My therapist said he would call after but did not. When I talked with my sister over the text, she asked more about our other sister (who she doesn't speak to) and her hospital stay than she did about my sitch.
I have gym tonight and some D paperwork I need to return to my L, then therapy tomorrow evening. Sad that my W and I are forbidden to communicate until July as it stands. The D will be finalized by then. So it goes.
