Life, One Day at a Time (22 months)

[adinva]

Hi Acc. Beautifully written, thank you so much! I would "ditto" the whole thing. I would also comment that I am happy. I'm happier than I've been in a while, because I have tools I didn't know I had for when things don't go the way I want them to, and because I don't see my happiness as dependent on a specific person's behavior or feelings anymore, and because while I always thought things tended to slip from good to bad I now see how they can go from bad to good. I have more hope. I have to credit DB forums for a lot of that because I was really enmeshed with my H's moods and behavior and felt nearly destroyed by his rejection at first, EVEN THOUGH I've always been a really strong independent person with good self esteem. I had a few things wrong and this board helped set me on a better track.

Acc though, I'm going to call out something you slipped in the middle that I don't believe:

My biggest fear going through this process has been that if our marriage ends in D, that I will not find another person who I will feel as attracted to as I do to my W.

Cross that bridge when you come to it. I feel like I know you and her pretty well from all this time; we joined at almost the same time after all, way back. You have worked SO hard to maintain your attraction to her that I don't know if you realize there will be people you don't have to work so hard with. I think the challenge of her unique spin has kept you in work-hard mode, and of course you're not a man to look around for better alternatives. Do not act from that fear you stated, Acc. You are a real catch, and your relationships don't need to be so hard. Do what you're doing, for as long as it's the right thing to do. I would never tell you not to. But don't worry for a minute that you couldn't be attracted to someone else, once your heart knows your relationship with W is done and becomes open to others I believe you'll have no problem.