I feel the same as labug in that maybe you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to forgive rather than letting it come to you by living your life regardless of H and his behavior. You know I know your pain...our pain has been so similar for so many similar reasons and such similar behavior of our H's (Forgiveness would be to treat him nicely despite the fact that in every interaction, he cannot get away from me fast enough, he ignores me, interrupts me and flat out could care less about what I am talking about whether it is trivial or something of real concern re. our kids. you could have been talking about my H here).
I also very much agree with Val about justified being a very strong word. I don't think we can say these actions are just. They may be understandable, we may have given them reasons to want to leave, but 'justified' implies having done something for a legitimate reason. And having a OW while still married, in my opinion, is not legit.
I think I understand what you mean however about giving it your all. Do you mean that you actually have not yet gotten to a place where you let him go and see what happens from that? Giving your all to be the best you can be for YOU and trust the process from there? Whatever the outcome?
You know there has been a lot of discussion lately on the board about self-respect. It has resonated with me deeply. I have been so afraid to let H think that I don't care anymore or that I am ok with what has happened and don't care about my M anymore, that I stopped respecting my own heart and protecting myself. Put YOU first KG. YOU.
Please be gentle with yourself.
You know what H's complaints were. You have addressed them. Now address yourself. Leave H on his path for now. Forge ahead on yours.
Love you KG
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
