Be civilized with STBX

[mstoadswildride]

The past week has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. I tell myself each week,there will be a new drama & trauma mixed with good stuff.

But let me share with you all the goods stuff first from last week:

* my hairdresser gave me a new hairstyle. It looks great! She is a widow of two years. Tells me today that she is engaged and will be married in 6 months. It gives me great hope there is someone out there for me.

* signed up for LA Kickboxing. I beat the crap out the punching bag. Ended up with bruised knuckles. Owner of the gym said, "Dang girl, you got some anger in you." Got myself some new boxing gloves. It felt so good. This is something that is my own.

* Met with a old co-worker. We caught up on life. Laughed, cried, encouraged each other.

* Attended my first "puppy" shower. I can check it off my bucket list. The guest of honor(divorced for 14 years, no kids), adopted a puppy. So her girlfriends gave her a puppy shower. Then had a pleasant nightcap with my girlfriend at our favorite swanky restaurant(it helps when the owner likes you ;))

Then Friday comes:

* I started feeling antsy, agitated, scared. STBX is returning from China. Reality hits. I am going to lose my home!! Panic Panic.

* D22 calls to see how I was doing. Shared the above feelings with her. She tried to comfort me. Said to her that she is not here to see what is happening with her sisters and I. D22 loses her temper and starts yelling at me. Accused me of child abuse. I abused her, her sisters and her FATHER. How did I abuse her? I spanked here bottom with a spoon.

I couldn't imagine what I was hearing. I ABUSED my family? I know I didn't. It hurt me to the core. I wailed, I screamed, I bunched up in a ball and couldn't stop crying. Is this the excruciating pain people go through when they find out they lost a loved one?

What would have been my response to D22 a year ago? I would have yelled, become defensive, reminded her of all the stuff she has done.

Instead, I told her calmly, I am hanging up right now. Your anger and how I respond will only be hurtful. I am very hurt by what you said to me.

I gave myself 48 hours to calm down and gather my thoughts. I sent her a following text: " Not trying to ignore you. I am sorry I hung up on you. I felt things need to cool down before more hurtful things are said. I am trying to find the correct response. I appreciate you expressing your feelings and feeling the comfort to say what you said to me. I am only human and I did the best I could to raise you and your sisters."

D22 response: "I know you did your best and I am so sorry I hurt you. It was mean of me to explode like that. Please know that I'm working through my issues & I understand that you love me & never meant any harm. I love you very much & I deeply apologize for hurting you. I do hope we can develop a deep relationship and I will do my best to come from a place of compassion rather than anger from now on.


Taking one day at a time. Tired right now. Will do another post for the weekend & interaction with STBX.