My first thought is it boils down to what will allow you to go on with your life undamaged. People lightly call that ability to let go and heal "forgiving" but this article holds the word "forgiving" to a higher standard. Semantically, "accepting" is probably what a lot of people have been calling forgiving. "You're off the hook, I'm not holding it against you, I'm not going to let what happened hold me back anymore, I forgive accept."
It fits for me.
Since I'm on a self-righteousness kick, I think the idea of forgiving my H feels a little more noble than I really am. I've been hurt, and angry, and for my own good and my kids' and because it's the right thing to do I'm going to let go of that. To say to myself "I forgive him" goes just a hair too far for me, I don't really feel I have the right to forgive or stand on high enough ground to say he is forgiven for these things he doesn't reach out to me to express feelings about or try to smooth over with me. But I do "accept," already, I really do. It fits for me.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
