At some point he will discuss some of the relationship w/you. It all depends upon if he's given ample time to process his issues and he feels safe enough to do so, i.e., w/o a lot of stressors being put on him. Keep in mind, that they do tend to dance around the relationship discussion and many will not give you a complete "picture" of the situation. This is where you will need to listen closely and sift through what they are saying to get the answers. As they progress they will provide you with more informaiton when you least expect it.
A few on the forum have been fortunate enough that their spouses have begun to open up to them. However, they've been at this for quite some time. It's not easy to get mlcers to open up until they are ready to do so. The more you push for answers, the less likely you will be to get your answers. When they are pushed too hard, they will lash out and that's when they threaten divorce and some will even carry through on their threats. The question is...are you ready for a divorce? Is this truly what you want?
Why not set a small goal for yourself? You could set the goal to come back and revisit whether or not you want to speak to him about the relationship in the May/June timeframe. That will give you several months to see where he's at in the crisis. However, do not share this timeframe w/him. This is for you only. At that time, you can re-evaulate your situation and go from there.
You've not detached enough from his drama to allow yourself some time and space and it's wearing on your emotional, physical and well being. You may not even be aware of it, but you are looking for signs of him waking up and wanting to return home. This can be very trying. That's why it's important to just leave them twirling in the wind because you do not want him home the way he is at this time. He's still very much a teenager and it would be far worse if he were home and sneaking around doing God knows what and acting out.
Keep in mind, only you can decide when you've had enough and want off the rollercoaster, i.e., file for a divorce. I've seen far too many who get anxious and want to have discussions w/their spouses this early in the crisis and then the mlcer will file and the lbs is heartbroken over the outcome. I honestly don't think your h wants a divorce...I think he just needs his space and time to work things out.
Having patience w/an mlcer is very difficult, but it can be done. Your relationship w/your h is far better than some that post. At least he's friendly and does things w/you and the children. Many do not have anything to do w/any of the family members and are down right rude and nasty to the spouses.
I suggest that you wait a few days and see how you feel then. When in doubt...do nothing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
