Don't want my 2nd marriage to end in divorce too

[AnotherStander]

but in this case she decides to return home at 3 AM. I pretend to be asleep and say it didn’t bother me the next day.

You don't have to fake being asleep, but you should act like you don't care about where she's been. And don't tell her it doesn't bother you (unless she asks). Because if you tell her it doesn't bother you, it of course makes her think you're saying it to mask your true feelings. Just don't say anything about it at all.

I rub my arm against her in the middle of the night and she moves to sleep in another room.

Now's not the time to push for physical contact.

I leave and spend the night with my parents.

Don't leave the house. The WAS needs to leave and feel all the inconveniences and headaches of that.

Wife said that she missed me a bit when I didn’t come home Wed. night but the positives of that exchange felt ruined by the more serious discussion of money and my kids.

Keep in mind this is a marathon, not a sprint. It sounds like you're hoping for quick fixes, but as 25 is fond of saying, "Consistent actions + Time = change your S can believe in."

After reflecting on her TM I responded:
"it is terrible that ur job does that to you. I am happy to just listen if you want to talk later. I promise no other topics"

she responded with ":)"

So I called her in the evening and listened to her work stories and validated. She asked if there was anything else and I said no. We continued to talk about her work and I did mention that I had a job interview. I asked her if she had more work to do tonight and she said yes so I suggested we end the call.

..So how am I doing?

You're doing fine, but again, this is a marathon. It'll take months and months of DB'ing and improved behavior before your W might change her attitude about divorce. So just settle in for the long haul and drop expectations.

Have you read DR? What are your 180s?