Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[BRNR]

RH, thanks for accepting my sincere apology.

I am trying to do what is right for me...I guess at this time I would just like to "check in"...which I know is against all DB principles. I want to know what we are working on...saving and rebuilding a marriage or moving towards divorce.

I have taken the advice of not responding to H's text right away, unless they concern the kids or financials. I have also seen a shift with him, where as, he is initiating more and more contact (now, even verbally on the phone and in person), showing care/concern for me, and has been asking more of what I am doing. I respond to most of this very vaguely. Mysterious right?

So I guess, more positives. ( I'll be honest and say that it is just not enough for me right now).

I do feel more detached these days, as I don't worry about what H is doing during the times he is not around or in contact with me. Maybe because of his actions, maybe it is a form of me letting go of him, maybe it is a form of me building trust in the situation, him, and myself, that everything will work out as it should...but my pesky expectations are that we will be a couple again.

Because my S13 was sick yesterday, it gave us some time to talk about things...he still is not opening up much except that he wants Dad to come home already. I am still working on him to release his feelings and emotions as I know it is not healthy for him to keep it bottled in.

I re-read parts of DR yesterday, and I am trying to figure out what the next "small" goal should be. Months ago, I didn't think I would be talking to H at all, and now that we are, I guess I am just annoyed more than excited at the moment. I guess my next goal is that I would like for him to say something about our relationship and for us to stop ignoring it. I know that what he says could be good or bad, but this I feel is needed for me very soon.