The last thing I would want for anyone would be to break up their marriage. You truly warm my heart when you say that you want to put your children's happiness above your own. Your wife is a lucky woman and probably doesn't even know how lucky.
I know that several posts to you and others have said that you will have to be willing to play a high stakes poker game with her. I believe that if she truly realized that you are unhappy to the point that you want out of the marriage that this might be what could make her look into ways that would bring back intimacy into your marriage.
My husband and I have seperated 3 times in 21 years and one other time I told him I had had enough and to please vacate the premises immediately. At that time I had a very good paying career and he knew that I did not need him financially to make it with my 3 children. The shock on his face was classic. This happened I believe in 1996 so it wasn't that long ago.
He could be a first class jerk to me. I know that he has had this Crohns for a long time and that was probably some of the problem but I finally decided that I was not going to be his doormat any longer.
He later said that people often hurt the one they love the most because they feel they love them enough to take it. I have told him over the years that if I had treated him the way he treated me that we would have divorced years before.
We have been through many stormy years and he has now become almost a perfect husband execpt for the LD and the LD in our marriage is not as severe as some that I have read about on this board. My point is this: I had to be willing to chuck it all to effect any change in him.
You may find that if you tell her you have had enough of the roommate treatment and that all you want is a viberant marriage with the woman you love and the mother of your chilren or that you will cease to be her roommate/doormat.
These are hard steps to take - they are frightening. I can remember being scared, angry and most of all sad. It was like the more I loved him the more he put up walls around himself. I finally gave up and when I did - that is when a change was made.
I will be praying for you my friend. I know that alot of your anger stems from sadness and my heart hurts for you.
You are not a selfish pervert. I sometimes feel that way myself but you want a normal loving relationship with your spouse. You have not changed - she has. Did she think you were a pervert when you married her? Most likely NOT! My ex made me feel like a nymphomaniac. He had the problem not me. You are not selfish to want a spouse that returns your affection.
Pray about this day and night and ask God to guide you. God says that we are to love our spouses as ourselves. If everyone did that there would be only happiness in marriage but that is often not the case! Give this post some consideration. As I said the last thing I want to see is divorce - it hurts everyone - but you should also have a happy union - that helps everyone - especially your children.
