Rock... it is NOT about the idea that Grrr (or anyone) was not "good enough"
it is the idea that we can always be better
certainly, unless we were abusive a$$holes, we were good enough HOWEVER...why should we be good enough when we can be better...
and
we are not being better FOR our spouses...
we are being better FOR OURSELVES
I DESERVE TO BE BETTER FOR ME...to be the best me that I can be...to only bring good into my life, to push myself to even better than I thought I could be, not for someone else's benefit but for my own...because I deserve the best.
Grr...
I am in a much healthier, happier, peaceful...better all around place than I ever was when I was with my ex-husband. I have a life filled with joy where I am cherished and where I see love everyday. It is amazing.
and yet
there are times when I wonder...what if...
I think it is the nature of humankind to wonder...to 2nd guess ourselves...to imagine different scenarios, (and I say this coming from a place of NOT wanting to ever go back there...of being so much happier and healthier and at peace)
there is no magic answer we can give that will change the course of events, no magic eye opening moment where the light of truth hits us and we recognize the error of our ways...life isn't a book or a movie with tidy endings and plots that are wrapped up
life is messy and muddy and tangled, like a maniacal slinky, plummeting down a mud covered ladder into a puddle fille dwith crabs whose job it is to twist the slinky into metal knots that you can't ever seem to untangle. It is terrifying and exhilarating and you can't wait to send it down the ladder again (after you figure out how to untangle it)
