Life, One Day at a Time (22 months)

[25yearsmlc]

Yeah, I do. I'm struggling to find the time to respond to the separation agreement he gave me in November. I have to tell him,
1. I want to buy his share of the house

^^can you financially do this?

2. I will need spousal support and for more than the five years he said he'd not pay anything after

well the Judge might not agree with your h...you know, b/c of the law and all.... I assume there is a disparity in income levels, right? They'll factor that in. Your L can give you a good idea of expected numbers.

3. Child support is not optional

absolutely correct^^. Surely he knows that. Right?

4. I think he should contribute toward sport and other special child expenses until age 18 as well as college or trade school after that.

your youngest has a learning disability, correct? So that's very doable for extras...I think the college or trade school issues will be negotiable. That does not mean you lose, but that it's negotiable.
It's not unusual for each parent to contribute a third and the child to pay/borrow a third.

IF there is a discrepancy in incomes (so he earns noticeably more than you do) this won't be complex. He can pretend it is, but it's not. Virginia is an equitable division state & you have a special needs child, plus an athlete who might SAVE you college money by playing...

at least document the costs of his sports/transportation, etc. I know our d15's basketball playing is an EASY $2k a year (yeah, two thousand)...thank God she's not playing hockey.

5. We need to agree on the date of our separation. He put it 5/1/11, and I could argue it was 12/9/12. Whenever it was, we can't be legally divorced until a year after that.

I assume there's an advantage to you, to making it later, correct? Is it also more accurate?

The rest is pretty much agreeable but those are big areas we're apart on.


if he believes child support is optional, Ad, that's a pretty darn big area to not agree on. In cases like that, where the law is clearly with you, I think him seeing a lawyer will do you both a world of good. It's called reality therapy.

Anyway, once that is signed I'll suggest that he should go ahead and file for divorce immediately. It isn't healthy for him to be hanging out in limbo with this hanging over his head; he's clearly concerned about money and he has no place to live. I'm in my home with my dog and kids; my life has changed a lot less than his has so far. It isn't healthy for me to be sitting here hoping we might get back together. We should finish this and move on with our lives.

well, I mostly care about the highlighted areas^^ but I believe you're sincerely concerned for his well being with your comments. I get it. You're at that place in the road, where you are ready to cross over. No judgement here.

You have the right to be happy and the right to move forward. No more stuckville, w/population, "you".

So then the timeline is...what?


I would prefer it be him because I did not choose this and didn't want it, and I don't want the record to make it look like I did. But if he doesn't want to file and doesn't want to work on the marriage either, then I'll go ahead and do it.

Based on that, not knowing how the court system might delay it, I guess I'll be divorced sometime in the next 3 to 9 months.

well it's all very sad. As for "the record"...hmmm. Think about it. Ad, if "the record" said you hit him, or cheated on him, I could see caring.

But you know what? No one will see the "record" of when someone filed for something...or why. AND YOU know the truth. Your sons know the truth and at some level, maybe, even your h knows.
AND if he does not know the truth by now, he never will and nothing the record says will change that. Clearly, HE has his own record.

I just love that you know limbo will end.

Within the constraints that circumstances have imposed on you, you are at least exercising choice. Good for you, (but yes it still sukks.)