Another dollar in my one-man show

[Big Bruce]

Bonsoir,
Special edition for answers and clarifications.

1. What do I see different since I'm here? Well first, to back off. I still would be in the stage of writing letters and phone call attempts, apologies and blaming me for all the bad things in the marriage and throwing bible verses reminders. BUT I know better, and I'm not knocking at a closed door, the more I knock, the more locks W puts. (that's an image).
And second, I concentrate on my S. It is not his fault, and I love him, so I want him to be happy despite this ordeal, and when he realizes why his life is broken, to find the strength to be as noble as I am and forgive W.
And third, lots of perspective.

2. What are my options? Today I went to C, and I told her my theory about letting my W "win". She said it was best to think of it this way : W needs time to figure out whatever she needs to figure out. She may or may not reach the conclusion that breaking a family is bad, but for the moment she needs time.

So, until the end of June I'll pay, and not complain once more.
I won't escape either or give W all.
In fact, if W thinks I'm not genuine about my interest with S, she'd have to admit that I do a pretty good job in taking care of him.

3. GAL ? Absolutely, I have picked up ice skating and hockey for fun. I curled all winter (it's over next week though)--> which I'll replace with lawn bowling when spring hits in three months, and with a group of friends we play guitar together. (Although, being 5 to 8 years younger than me, the topics of conversation often does NOT match my tastes.. if you know what I mean), and they call me a square. But they aren't christians either.
Also at home I play classical piano and I read lots (I try to avoid videogames). I will be giving private tutoring lessons on weel-ends now also, to try and make ends meet.

4. Today I was in tears at the C. But I know things will be brighter after. If not here, at least on the other side. I don't need any medication or support group.

5. Yes, I said I would "try" to make an arrangement with W, to stop paying alimony in exchange of half of the money. And of course 50-50% for S. What if she refuses? I will have the L try, that's for sure. Then she'll have to see if spending the 40 to 50 000$ in fighting me is worth it.

6. i know that W had nothing scheduled for the Sunday, because she said S needed to go to Sunday school and do his nap and spend time with them... like those things are unmissable...
And I forgot to fill the log book because I couldn't sit still for 5 minutes and write with S touching everything.
Plus I wonder if she reads it, because her part is with another writing (her mom's probably) and bad French, so she doesn't even tell her mom what to write. So, what do I think W does when S is at home? She is busy studying and going to her part-time job. Not caring for S.

Hope this makes the picture or where I'm at clearer.
Thank you for reading,
bien le bonsoir,
Bruce