I am SO confused

[Raine]

Italy, my H was the same way. He has never taken care of himself. Part of MLC is trying to go back in time and make up for things missed. Taking care of himself may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to him. Think of a teenager needing to move out and establish some independence.

If there was a good reason for it, you wouldn't be posting here. It's MLC. It's supposed to be messed up and crazy. It's supposed to be illogical. Think how you would feel if it all did make sense; if this had everything to do with you?

I too helped my H pack. He was excited to show me his place, like a college kid showing me his dorm, and I tried not to break down in tears. And the likelihood is, if he is like my H, your H is not going to be miserable. He's going to be happy and excited about this new step in his life--for awhile. He's going to feel bad for hurting you, but at the same time, he's going to feel like this is something that he needs to do. You expressing your pain or that you're upset is just going to validate to him that he is doing the right thing.

He's not normal. He is too busy worried about himself, and he doesn't want to feel the guilt of hurting you. This will only push him further way. You know that husband who would comfort you when you were upset or down, the guy that was always there for you no matter what? This is not that husband.

My H is now absolutely miserable, visibly and verbally miserable. My H is wondering what is going on, why is his world crashing on him when he has been so happy for the last four months. Not every MLC is the same or on the same timeline and some remain stuck, but he has to learn for himself about where happiness is found, just like a child learning to walk.

Get strong. Get happy. Find yourself. Because if he does get through this, he is going to look to you for strength, and you are going to need it, because it does not get easier. And if he doesn't get through it, you're going to use that strength to find joy in the next stage of your life.