I know that you are struggling to understand your wife's total lack of interest in sex. I know how important sex/intimacy is to a relationship.
I feel that if one of the members of a marriage partnership is uninterested in a real marriage and one of those partners needs are not being met it is time to do some serious thinking about the future of the relationship.
I know that I have posted before that I was married once before to a young man that said sex with me would make me "dirty" like his mother. He could not and would not meet my needs emotionally, physically, or spiritually. All he did was make me feel bad about myself and sad and very lonely.
I was only 20 years and one month old (!) when I left him. I told him when I left that he had not been my husband, lover or friend and that I would find someone that would love all of me.
I have never regretted leaving him - sorry that the situation arose - but never have I been sorry that I left him.
I have monitored your posts and I feel for you because I have been there where you are. It was so frustrating being married to my ex. He had the NERVE to tell me that he couldn't have sex with me because he was saving his strength to play baseball on the weekend! I was at my most desirable then - and my husband was more interested in baseball than sex with me.
I know that you have 3 children and it is not something to be taken lightly. I know that you are a Christian man and that too is a serious consideration. I do believe that your wife is taking this all too lightly though. It is like she knows she has you over a barrel. She is safe, warm, and happy so to speak, so there is no incentive for her to change her behavior. Why should she?
I believe that the time will come Cemar, when you will have to tell her that the current situation is intolerable to you. If she knows that her current situation is threated it could be the catalyst for change.
I know that I have stated that my current marriage used to be very stormy in spite of the fact that we had a great sex life. He wanted to always to his own thing - he didn't want to "answer" to anybody. He didn't ever want to feel that someone had control over his heart or mind. He kept me at arms length.
When we were married about 3 years I finally had enough. Didn't want a divorce - had already been there and done that. He knew that and I think used that knowledge to his own advantage. Finally even I had had enough.
He was shocked right down to his little toes - so was his mother. As long as I went along like a happy or unhappy little wife everything was ok. When I decided that enought was enough and that I deserved better I left.
He decided to make some changes. No one was more shocked than me. He has come a long way in 21 years and I am glad now that I stayed and we worked things out but if he had not made the changes I would have made the change for him.
You deserve a spouse who is interested in a marriage - not a roommate. Only you have the power to change that. You can tell her that there is a job opening for Cemar's wife and does she want to fill the position. If not - let her know that you are serious about making changes in your life. For your family's sake I hope that she chooses the position as Cemar's wife - not roommate.
