Lina, I agree with so much that you have stated in your post. I have always been HD and my husband for the first 17 years of our marriage was HD also. The one thing that really clicked with us - no matter what - was sex. We had always had a great sex life but that did not mean that we had a great marriage. We had a very stormy marriage for years - i have always adored the ground he walked on but he always kept me at arms length. That is just his personality.
LD has entered our relationship due to illness and it has been a very hard adjustment for me. But on the flip side of the coin we have a relationship now that I only dreamed of years ago. HE is much more calm and appreciative of me. He makes an effort to attend family functions with me where before I went to lots of things by myself and with my kids. He has become my best friend and I am grateful and appreciative of his efforts to work at our marriage. In years past I always felt like any work being done was on my part - and sometimes that was a lonely place even if we were having great sex.
There is much more to marriage than just sex - this coming from someone who has a high sex drive! If he wanted sex all day every day and reverted back the the jackass he could be years ago we would probably not survive it. I can work at the LD stuff - I realize it is medication - not lack of love and devotion on his part - but I don't know that I could go through the coldness that used to be in our marriage - even if fireworks did come from the bedroom regularly.
There is so much more to making our marriage work, love, affection, loyalty, desire to please the other. I try to remind myself when I feel upset of the current situation that I married him in sickness and health and he is not doing this to make me angry or to hurt or control me.
I realize that most people on this site are not dealing with the same situation and I know that I would have a hard time dealing with this if I felt my spouse was shutting me out totally and disregarding my feelings, our vows, and acting like I was a sex maniac. Those are very hurtful things that cause one to want to be spiteful and just plain angry.
I do know this - life is too short to be bitter and angry for long periods of time - expecially if your in a marriage that one of the spouses refuses to see that the other has ligitamate needs that a spouse if supposed to fulfill - not out of a sense of duty - but out of a feeling of love and devotion.
This site has helped me more that anyone can know. I've learned to really recognize and appreciate when my H is showing his love for me in other ways than sexual now. We still have sex about every three weeks and it is always great so I am trying to reel my own desires in so that I am not miserable. It is a fight every day to overcome my own desires but I am working at it each day.
