Treading water

[Grizz]

I was thinking today about the start of my sitch (or what I feel was the start) and some of what W said initially. Several months ago when W started to withdraw (when her job was in the tank and her health problems were beginning) I nagged her about why she was withdrawn. She initially said that she was stressed and depressed about work and health. The more she withdrew/distanced the more I moped around and the more I pressed her for what was wrong. Continually asking if we were ok. This really wore on her. She actually told me that all she wanted was for me to act "normal".

Fast forward a few weeks and I eventually called her friend to ask about W, W found out and blew up! Everything downhill from there. W friend told me later on that W said initially it had nothing to do with me but now it does. Said she doesn't have the energy to deal with my whining.

So, what does this have me thinking? Do I try to act "normal". Act like I did, let's say in June of last year? Is it too late to try to go back to that.

Do I not pursue as many have suggested. FWIW, I have backed off alot already. But this is not acting "normal".

I have not said ILY in a long time (this breaks my heart). I do not act like I acted prior to my pouting about her distancing.

She loved the "normal" me. I am not the normal me with my changes/distancing and not pursuing.

Now on the other side, after bomb drop I really pursued and W said I was smothering her. The smothering was not the normal me either.

Have I swung the pendulum too far the other way? It's really tough knowing the right thing to do. Maybe I just need some advice to just stay the course. Or maybe different advice altogether if anyone has any.

Thanks ahead of time for the insight.