Can you accept that that this is the person that you don't want to be with right now, he's not the man you married, you understand that his behaviors are toxic, but it still hurts anyway?
Yes, I can. It's so obviously not him.
It is so important to understand the things that you need to improve but EQUALLY important to understand that you didn't deserve the treatment you received. That you do deserve better.
This helps me a lot. I sometimes feel that I must have been a real monster to have produced this sort of change/retaliation in him. Other times I can see that it wasn't purely MY fault. I've been working on things I need to improve, but whatever i did surely doesn't mean that he has the right to treat me so badly now.
I am a big advocate about being kind to others even when they screw up (God knows I do a ton). However, there are certain behaviors, like those displayed by these two, that takes a certain level of cruelty that I don't quite get. I guess they don't see it that way, but I just can't understand being so indifferent to a person's feelings. I get the whole falling out of love thing. That's not what I'm saying. But I think you can walk away with compassion, decency and class.
You have put this so well. I don't get that they can't see how cruel they are being. Marriages end, people can choose not to be together... but to do it like this?
Just have to chalk it up to MLC, I suppose.
LIS, you have great insight and your support is so helpful. Thank you.
