To all you HD ladies with LD men.

[Lina]

I think that there is a curse to being HD. If you marry another HD person, you have the chance to achieve the ULTIMATE marriage, the consumate marriage, which VERY few people actually achieve and maintain (I think I saw an estimate of far less then 25% of marrriages ever get to this stage). If you marry a LD spouse, the best you can hope for is a TOLERABLE marriage, and if you marry a ND spouse, YOU NOW HAVE THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL!

*blinkblink* Not really. Perhaps it's not as bad for me because I'm not extreme HD and he's LD, not ND, but we have a wonderful relationship outside of the bedroom, and there have been massive improvements in the physical side of our relationship since we both really started working on it. He's always been my best friend - a connection I treasure more than anything else - and now, he's becoming more fully my lover. And I've realized it's not that he doesn't want me, it's just that he expresses his love for me in different ways, that I'm learning to appreciate as well... and that he's made it as far as he has and is even willing to work on it makes me mentally much calmer and loving even when there isn't any action. (-:

No relationship is perfect. Every relationship has problems. Yes, having similar libidos would make one of those problems less so, but what happens if she burns macaroni and refuses to spend time with your family? Or what if, after the initial hormone-spree wears off, he doesn't help out around the house and goes out with his buddies every night? Depending on how the two handle problems and how much it means to the other, you could very well have a well-consummated marriage but a miserable one nonetheless.

So, basically... while I understand that you're feeling very bitter and angry, and that an anonymous forum is an ideal place to express that, I really kind of resent that in almost every post I've seen you make you seem to assume that every couple in a similar position judges their relationship the same way you do. Maybe it's just some of my remaining insecurity speaking out, but it's kind of disheartening to have come so far from the opposite side and then see an attitude of "if you make yourself sexy and throw yourself at him, it will solve all your problems." The whole point of this place is that LD men *aren't* reassured and comforted by such gestures. To see it followed by "you can't have a happy relationship with different libidos" just... it's not terribly reassuring in the midst of a mini-down spell, even when those happen even more rarely than sex.

To the HD woman in a relationship, it really doesn't help to hear that HD men would absolutely love all of the measures they've most likely been struggling through for quite some time, and it can't be helpful for the HD man or LD either in a relationship, if they're in one of those moments of doubt and despair, to see someone say that you can simply *never* have a great relationship if you don't have the same sex drive.

I can't ask you to tone down your posts, because I DO understand that you're bitter and angry, and sometimes that just needs venting... but could you please reconsider some of the gross generalizations you make about men and women? They don't help people here, and it seems to me that they really can't be helping you, either, in the long-term. /-: