Quote: I'm sure from an HD perspective it seems like a dream come true... but to the LD partner (or at least mine) it seems like a guilt-trip, almost. If he's missing something in our relationship, and I'm constantly throwing my underwear at him, that doesn't resolve *his* issues, it just shows that I'm obsessed with my own.
Wow - definately....
For YEARS (we're talking at least 6 here) I tried all of the suggestions (except for the videos and pictures), but included magazines and internet pics... His reaction: I put pressure on him to 'perform'. so after years of this, I STOPPED... this was before I ever heard of doing 180's... thinking he'd miss something, and come forward himself.... NOTHING. Later he said he was a bit confused, but felt relief.
Truly, when I first read The Sex Starved Marriage, I thought it was written about my H and me... with me being the HD spouse, and him the LD. Unfortunately, things had already progressed so far, that I didn't care anymore - I no longer had any desire for him at all... none... flatline. And this left me open to accepting the love of someone else. The rest, as they say, is history (or maybe the last unwritten chapter in Michelle's book). The OM won my heart as well as my body, and my H and I are going through a drawn-out divorce, since he said he "never knew".... give me a break!!!! he 'didn't know' when I tearfully asked him what was wrong, why didn't he hold me, make love to me - was I making him mad?? Was I unattractive??? asking him, begging him... crying into my pillow next to him at night... the answer was always "it's not you, it's me. I'm (pick one) A) too tired B) too anxious C) too stressed out D) not feeling well E) have a busy day tomorrow F) .... you name an excuse, and it was here" Eventually, I let it be "him", and decided to just forget it, and go on in my own way. Sad, isn't it??? Now he regrets how he 'pushed me away', and wants to make love to me, and I can't even imagine it - don't want anything to do with it.
The good news is - actually the incredible great news!! is that the man I love is also HD, and I have never known such joy in my life!!! I feel open and free and loved and am fully accepted - encouraged!! - in my sexuality. What a comfort, what ecstasy!! And it carries over into every part of our lives - communication, committment, intimacy, trust, laughter - I can give myself fully to him, and he to me. It is the most fantastic gift from God, that we have found each other, and I am grateful for it every day.
I wish my H luck - I'm sure there are many women out there who would appreciate his good qualities (and he has many), and can live with what I experienced as his lower desire - which may actually reflect more of the 'norm' in the bell-curve - I really don't know. There were other issues as well which contributed greatly to our distancing... too much to go into here. It was certainly NOT just a sexual incompatability. But the HD/LD discrepancy brought the spiral of many negative emotions, and - LD men, learn a lesson here - follow Michelle's advice, and stop the downward spiral IMMEDIATELY!!! or your M may end up where mine is.... gone.
he 'didn't know' when I tearfully asked him what was wrong, why didn't he hold me, make love to me - was I making him mad?? Was I unattractive??? asking him, begging him... crying into my pillow next to him at night... the answer was always "it's not you, it's me. I'm (pick one) A) too tired B) too anxious C) too stressed out D) not feeling well E) have a busy day tomorrow F) .... you name an excuse, and it was here" Eventually, I let it be "him", and decided to just forget it, and go on in my own way. Sad, isn't it??? Now he regrets how he 'pushed me away', and wants to make love to me, and I can't even imagine it - don't want anything to do with it. 
