I don't want to come across as piling it on. Your thread jumped out at me, and TBH I have only read through this most recent thread.
However, I am going to agree with the others. It appears you are expending a lot of effort to control the situation. I think your W needs some space to sort things out. Give her a little bit of room to breathe, and she may see you in a different light.
Coming from a recovering control freak , backing off some may do YOU some good, too. It's very stressful trying to control something you can't control.
, backing off some may do YOU some good, too. It's very stressful trying to control something you can't control.