It sounds like to me like you're prepared to follow through on separation and/or possible D upon confronting your W about OM. You know your limits, and if you're truly ready to follow through on things, do so when you're ready. IMO you should be prepared for the possibility of her never coming back to the M if you take that step and it shouldn't be solely to show her what she would missing. You know where you are with that.
It also seems to me like you may be spending a considerable amount of time watching your W. Are you doing that to evaluate your decision to file for separation or D?
