H insists ow is "helping" him "find the real h, the better h" reminds him of "who he used to be, so he can be that way again". Says she's making him better - don't I want that for him?
And I answered
(WHY? Because apparently I am a dumba$$. I should just have smothered myself with my own pillow. At least then I'd have gotten some sleep. )
that IF that was true, that I can understand why continuing a relationship w/ow was a viable "life choice" for H. I said that IF I take at face value everything he says, that "its all talk" etc, that its "helping" H, it still doesn't "help" our marriage and serves to damage me. So point being that, the "result" of his ow would be a happy H and a half dead me.
This of course fell on deaf ears.
I maintained that while there is ow, there is no me. H maintains that this is selfish on my part.
So, as usual, R talk benefited nobody.
H's interesting comments.
You should just continue doing the laundry and everything. I mean, I do things around here too. (Really wanted to ask him exactly what those things might be but managed not to. He does occasionally cook dinner. And if there's a disaster, he fixes whatever has broken. But the day to day living/maintenance kind of stuff? Nope. Nope nope nope.)
I am afraid to go to marriage counseling because I think they would tell me our marriage can't last and I don't want to hear that.
(This one really puzzled me.)
And just to ice the cake, today is our 21st anniversary.
I KNEW H wouldn't remember. I camethisclose to being passive-aggressively evil and not reminding him so that I could use it against him later. But I told him when he phoned just now to ask about D18's car. LOL, I even told him I'd considered NOT telling just for pure spite.
But you know what this ridiculous maddening man said? It went like this.
Me: I considered not telling you this, just so I could use it to my advantage later. But I realized that was petty and wrong. H, do you know what day today is?
) 
But I told him when he phoned just now to ask about D18's car. LOL, I even told him I'd considered NOT telling just for pure spite.
